literature

A Bee, His Wife and I Walk Into a Bar...

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    Not all at the same time mind you. They were there first and I arrived later, but I’m getting ahead of myself. So let me go back. It was a dark and stormy night. Wait! Too far. Damn clichés always muddling my thoughts. It was not “A dark and stormy night”, In fact the weather was sunny with the thermometer lingering between the mid- seventies to lower eighties. It was the last day of the convention and everyone was exhausted. Where less than forty-eight hours ago the foyer of the Mississauga Hilton had been electric with excited conversations, rekindling’s between friends and the occasional exclamation of “All Hail Lord Megatron!”; the raucous, brightly lit, modern vestibule was now a hum of quiet, tired voices. I was no exception, feeling as though I was living in a blurred reality. The combination of sleep deprivation, large quantities of caffeine and over worked adrenal glands will do that to a person.

    Most of the revelries had ended save a panel involving the amazing TFCON staff, which I would have attended except I was afraid of falling asleep and offending them with loud snores and large quantities of drool. So instead, needing to kill time, I decided to go to the quiet restaurant across the way Chop Steakhouse and Bar. I had just eaten lunch there not two hours prior, but needed to get away from people for a spell. Upon exiting the hotel, I spied Mr. Dan Gilvezan and his lovely wife Joselle making their way across the parking lot towards my destination. My heart jumped and adrenal glands kicked right back into gear. How there was anything left I have no idea. I will be very outright at this point and say that my primary reason for attending TFCON was to interact with Mr. Frank Welker. Before attending a Q&A session with Mr. Dan Gilvezan and Mr. Flint Dille the day before; My only true feelings towards Mr. Gilvezan were aimed at Bumblebee the character not the man who actually brought the character to life. I am thirty-five years of age now which makes me barely old enough to really remember Saturday morning cartoons during the early Eighties. (For those of you who, like me, suck at math, I was born in 1981) I do however distinctly recall an annoying, yellow, Volkswagen, Beetle and a human boy always making, what I considered, bad decisions. Most of which began with the words “We should go check out…” Which in my mind was equivalent to cousin Bubba exclaiming “Hey y’all! Look at me!”. Perhaps the main reason I disliked Bee and Spike so much though, was despite how careless and reckless they were, there was always a silver lining. Many episodes ended with one of the senior Autobots pointing out “If it hadn’t been for Bumblebee and Spike …” You get the picture. As a young child this type of world did not exist and I could not relate. There was no. “If it hadn’t been for Julie…” Because we do not live in a world wrought with danger where a predetermined plot exists carefully laid out via a script. So there I sat in the meeting room, arms crossed, with my over opinionated, asinine ideas running rampant. Not three minutes into the Q&A though, and I was already feeling like a turd among flowers. Just listening to those two incredible men converse with one another was like peaking in on two old friends meeting up for coffee to reminisce about their past. In fact, that’s exactly what it was like. The audience was so engrossed with their conversation, scarcely anyone approached the mic to ask questions.

    After the Q&A and still regretting my harsh judgement of voice over actors based solely on their character’s and not their character; I decided that I wanted the book Bumblebee and Me: Life as a G1 Transformer by Mr. Dan Gilvezan. So I stood in line and when it came my turn I awkwardly approached Dan gave him a big, goofy grin and inquired about his book.

    “Hi! I was interested in your book”

    “Which one? Drowned in the Grenadine?”

    “Actually Bumblebee and Me”

    “Ok. Would you like it just signed or personalized?”

    “Personalized please”

    “What’s your name?”

    “Julie”

    “And how do you spell that?”

    “J-U-L-I-E”

    “I never know”

He said looking over at his wife who nodded her head in understanding. Dan then mentioned a name as an example (I can’t remember what the name was) and the different spellings it takes on. The last of which I recognized as the French method of spelling whatever name and said as much.

    “Oh ya isn’t that how the French would spell it? With an “e” on the end?”

    “Yes I do believe so”

    “Have you ever owned a bug?”

    “No. Nor a Camaro

“You know it was very upsetting for a lot of us when in TF1 the Camaro smashed the poor, little Volkswagen

“Well VW wouldn’t sign off on the movie. Apparently, they didn’t want their product associated with a movie about war. It was fine for six plus years back in the Eighties. Who knows.”

He shrugged.

            “Well considering the origination of the bug….”

I shrugged back as my mine wandered for a moment and I thought about delving deeper into this topic.

            “So if I remember…”

I moved on to what, for some reason, I though wasn’t as risky a subject.

“Even back in the Eighties Bugs weren’t exactly cool. So why do you think they chose one as a character? Do you think it wase more due to size?”

Stop judging me people! It was awkward and I have a problem with my mouth sometimes.

            “No bugs were not very cool, and yes, I think it was mainly due to its compact size”

He had handed me my signed copy of his book by this time, and I, determined not to leave on such a crappy note remarked.

“My two older sisters are going to be so jealous. We loved The Pound Puppies* and they should remember more about Saturday morning cartoons from when we were kids than I do”

“Yes I would imagine”

Dan nodded back emphatically.

            “Here he said take a button”

He handed me a red button, pin with a picture of G1 BB and the quote “Some of my best friends are humans”. I walked away feeling like an idiot thankful that I had, had enough sense not to tell him about the time a large bumblebee alighted on my car and urinated. Which upon seeing I exclaimed “Bumblebee stop lubricating on my hood!”.  Or worst of all, when as a girl, I shot the head off a hovering, bumblebee with a bb gun.

            On to the next day. I was sitting at the bar drinking a hard cider and contemplating whether or not to buy the Gilvezan’s lunch, who were sitting in a booth tucked back around a corner. It was dead in the main dining room and bar area as most of the restaurant’s patrons were enjoying the gorgeous day on a packed, patio. My hazy mind was still whirling with my earlier, embarrassing display and I thought to myself “Aww what the hell!” And called the much younger, pretty, blonde, bartender over. She was such a sweet girl and exclaimed “Totally! That’s so nice of you!” at my request to pay for the Gilvezans’ lunch. Nervously I waited pondering whether to leave a tab open, exit the restaurant and return later after they had left. My sense of benevolence does not run that deep though, and I hung around making notes about my meeting with Mr. Welker, along with catching uninteresting, snippets of ESPN playing on the bar television. A young, brunette, waitress working the Gilvezan’s table approached the bartender to put in an order for their drinks, the bartender let the waitress know how to handle their bill. Upon learning that someone else was going to cover for them, the young, waitress gave me a curious look. Apparently it was not common practice in that establishment to pay for the meals of people who you are not sharing the same table as. I beckoned the two lovely, young women over with a movement of my head.

“That’s Mr. Dan Gilvezan and his wife. He was the voice of the original Transformer Bumblebee”.

At the mention of “Bumblebee” The two girls’, faces lit up with delightful, surprise.

    “Really?”

The waitress asked.

    “Ya”

I nodded.

    “That’s so cool!”

The young brunette added as she placed two cocktails on her serving tray. I could not help, but overhear her excited voice when she served the adorable couple their drinks and hoped I had not broken some protocol unbeknownst to those of us living in the “real” world by making Dan’s identity known.

            After a short time, the cute brunette bobbed up to me and with an exuberant, smile let me know they were ready to leave. Mr. Gilvezan and Josselle came around the corner as I sucked the last of the cider out of my glass. He placed his hands on his hips and breaking out in a smile exclaimed.

            “You didn’t have to do that!”

    “I didn’t, but I wanted to”

I meekly, shrugged back. (Evidently people shrug more than they know, me included)

    “Wait”

He said inquiringly. Looking from me to his wife for confirmation.

            “I remember you”

Of course he did, but instead of giving me the finger and exiting the premises, he came over and hugged me before I was even able to slide off the tall barstool I was perched atop.

            “You visited our table earlier”

            “I did”

I replied showing him my copy of Bumblebee and Me: Life as a G1 Transformer.  

            “Well it was very sweet of you to buy us lunch”

He added and Josselle hugged me as well once I was in a standing position.

            “So have you enjoyed the con?”

He asked.

“I have. I’ve been reading your book,  I’m only into the second chapter and have laughed so much already”

            “Ya there is some funny stuff in there”

Normally I would have been turned off by a such a show of self-praise, it did not bother me though. I could not help but think about how critical self-promotion is to most artists.

            “So did you do all your own editing?”

I inquired, ever the curious writer coming out in me.

            “I did”

            “Nice. Very well done”

He gave the kind of look that says “And do you know anything about writing?”

            “I’m working towards a degree in creative writing”

I answered his peculiar gaze.

            “Oh I see”

He replied the look of criticism fading to one of understanding.

At this point I cannot remember why, but something was said that made me humorously cover up the Decepticon symbol blazing across my chest. He cocked his head and scrunched his eyes catching on to my playful act.

    “What do you have there?”

    “Nothing”

I uttered in a small, sing-song voice.

            “Let me see”

I dropped my hands and he waved his hand nonchalantly, spotting.

            “Pffft”

            “I can’t help it! I’m in love with Frank Welker!”

Josselle laughed merrily at this and came closer as her husband confessed.

            “Well I’m in love with Frank too. Did you do the vip signing with him?”

            “I did! It was amazing!”

I continued at much too high a resonance.

            “He’s just so….I don’t know how to explain it”

Dan nodded his head. He, I know understood far better what I was trying to convey than even I did.

            “Frank is one of the shyest, sweetest men I have ever met”

He explained.

            “I could totally see that”

I swooned.

            “Dan and I introduced Frank to two women he ended up dating”

Josselle uttered to me in a confident tone then touching Dan’s arm continued.

            “That’s the kind of information the ladies want to know”

Mr. Gilvezan rolled his eyes and smiled at his lovely wife.

            “Lucky ladies”

I muttered to Josselle who laughed again.

            “Hey do you want a picture or something?”

Dan asked drawing me back to the semi, reality of the moment.

            “Sure!”

I answered grabbing my phone and becoming all thumbs momentarily forgot how to operate it.

            “Josselle will take care of it”

Dan informed me and thankfully I was able to hand the contraption over to someone more competent than myself. Mr. Gilvezan placed his arm around me and we “watched the birdie”.

He continued to stand there with his arm around me after we were done with our photo op. I was not at all opposed by this. I don’t know what his sport jacket was made of, but it felt heavenly. His wife handed me back my phone and before taking his arm from around me kissed me on the left cheek. Yes! I’ve kissed by a Bee and yes I liked it very much thank you.

            “Was this your first con?”

He asked as my face turned back to its normal shade of pale.

            “Yes and I loved it!”

            “Heading out today?”

            “Ya. Just killing time before my flight back to Washington State”

            “There are some really cool cons on the West Coast ya know”

                “I know, but I can’t stand large crowds. I don’t even want to think about how terrible San Diego   would be”

Josselle let loose with another merry laugh and sympathetically rubbed Dan’s arm.

            “Dan can’t stand the crowds either”

He nodded his head at me adding.

            “We went once and that was enough”

I, thinking it was so cool to have a similar dislike of large crowds with G1 Bumblebee energetically, rambled on.

“I know! So many people would suck all the fun out of it! I feel like I’m suffocating when I’m around that many bodies. Like I’m going to have a panic attack”

He seemed genuinely entertained at my animated, explanation and we went on to talk about the places we’ve lived. I mentioned being from Savannah and apparently, at some point, he was married to a woman from my home town. I then asked if they lived in LA to which he said yes. I apologized and he shrugged as if to say. “Don’t really have much of a choice when you do what I do for a living”. I explained to him how whenever my husband and I (yes honey I did mention you) drive to southern California we are always looking for ways to avoid LA. However, there are only a few choices including The One, The One O’ One and The Five. He continued to nod and smile at me amused.

    “What is it with Californians giving everything a title?”

I asked hoping he could give me an answer.

            “It’s just what we do I guess”

He mused. (No Californian has yet been able to answer that question to my satisfaction) It was getting late, but I could not let him leave without telling him about my nephew.

“So I bought a Transformers: Rescue Bots Bumblebee for my nephew who was, oh I don’t know almost three at the time.

I began.

“Before I handed it to him I showed him how to “transform” it from a car to a bot and back. He couldn’t wait to try it for himself and grabbed it from me and immediately figured out how to work the toy. He’s a smart kid. Anyway, I told him that it was a robot, car. He repeated “Robot, car” and then started running around yelling “Robot car, robot car, robot car! He’s been in love with Bumblebee ever since”

Dan and Josselle got an especially good chuckle out of this.

“My brother and sister in-law have already had to replace the toy I bought for him because he wore it out. And now he has all the Rescue Bots and every time he sees a Bumblebee anything, he wants it”

“That’s great!”

He smiled.

            “Look we have to get going. It has been such a pleasure meeting you and thanks again”

He hugged me once more and with that they exited the restaurant. I grabbed my wallet from the bar and walked out soon after. A few steps from the door though it suddenly dawned on me that I had not paid. Laughing out loud at my forgetfulness, I executed an about face and re-entered the restaurant for the third time that day. After settling my bill. The cute, brunette who had been their waitress approached me and with a glowing smile said.

“They were so sweet! I said that I wasn’t aware that I was serving someone famous and he got kinda shy. I told him that my nephew was a huge Bumblebee fan and he signed a napkin for me!”

            “That’s so cool!”

I remarked.

“And when I told him that you had taken care of their bill he got really quiet and said that he needed to wait for his wife to get back from the restroom because she knew how to handle those types of things better”   

I laughed at her story and was so glad that she had shared it with me.

            “Here I said”

Unclipping the red, button-pin from my TFCON lanyard.

    “Give this to your nephew along with the autograph”

    “Oh no I couldn’t!”

She exclaimed.

            “Of course you can. It’s just a button”

She took the button and hugged me as though I had given her a hundred-dollar tip.

            “Thank you so much! He’s going to love it!”

The End

My family wanted to know ALL about meeting Mr. Gilvazen (G1 Bumblebee) so I wrote a story both for them and so that can keep it fresh in my memory as well. Hope you enjoy!
© 2016 - 2024 jsteig
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